I dream that one day I'll have a child
And that child will say to me "dad, what was war?"
But it's not going to happen!

It's a war of the sexes never get it blud
I beg that you learn 'cos she's clever
How attracted to you she is is partly your gab
But it's multiplied by how little of you she can have

Oi the reason girls flirt is to work out their worth
Whereas men just hanker for the panky to happen
Retain this fact I'm hammering, this fact is gonna matter
What little you think you're letting by her sly
She senses you're near her and smells your desire
The general rule of mine : her intellect will be higher
Your task is to make her notice you fast but hanker when you don't close in after
She knows she can get most dudes but she musn't know about you
If you screw this all up and then lose all your cool that's when she ends up liking you as a friend
You're not playing at hard to get
You're playing at not getting a hard-on yet

It's a war of the sexes never get it blud
I beg that you learn 'cos she's clever
How attracted to you she is is partly your gab
But it's multiplied by how little of you she can have

And you wanna know what, listen..

The answer is to get close enough to her but listen the next thing you just totally blank her
You think I'm fuckin' mad don't ya but I don't shag on my own
Get somewhere close to the lamb but then glance and turn to the man
You need to get near to the lamb but she doesn't want to feel cramped
Instead of cowering up to the hostile lamb bowl up to the trusting man
It's much easier talking to him, he doesn't suspect you want anything
(just tell him something like..)
Did you know cigarette lighters were invented before matches?
It's abc making a he break with glee
'Cos he isn't suspicious you're trying to muscle into his missus
Do you know what I'm talking about that's why I'm talking about

It's a war of the sexes never get it blud
I beg that you learn 'cos she's clever
How attracted to you she is is partly your gab
But it's multiplied by how little of you she can have

The woman is a highly socially-practiced master in body language, dab-handed actress
She's calculating all the mad facts and the figures while you're pretending to listen staring at her tits

It's a war of the sexes never get it blud
I beg that you learn 'cos she's clever
How attracted to you she is is partly your gab
But it's multiplied by how little of you she can have

It's a war of the sexes never get it blud
I beg that you learn 'cos she's clever
How attracted to you she is is partly your gab
But it's multiplied by how little of you she can have

Elementary, my dear cousin (elementary)
I cannot state this enough
She must not clock your flop
You can't placard your march
Your threws seclude your moves
Or you're colluding well weapon

It's a war of the sexes never get it blud
I beg that you learn 'cos she's clever
How attracted to you she is is partly your gab
But it's multiplied by how little of you she can have

And remember not to get hammered either
'Cos people who get hammered don't get to nail

Writer : SKINNER, MICHAEL GEOFFREY
Copyright : Lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.