Hmmm, I don't even wanna fuckin do this song for real, but I wouldn't be real if I didn't

I be sittin' by myself and I be thinkin' mama what have I become
All I wanted was a family but I when I look I be the only one
Losin' everything but money everybody left and I don't even get to see my young
Only happiness I get is in the studio when I get to do another run
On the road
Doin' shows
Get the woes
When it slows
Gettin' cold
Gettin' owed
But the flows
Gettin' sowed
I been doin' this a minute, but I think I want to end it,
Cause I think I'm on a higher level when I go
But the music I be doin' it, be losin' it, I'ma make it really tough for me to grow
All I wanted was a family portrait
See my babies on a ranch with horses
But I was fuckin' devil bitches in corsets
I was never really good, then I torched it
I'm sorry Mrs. Jackson I'm speakin' for real
And I never meant to make your daughter cry
But I guess I'm a failure with women
I'm lost and I feel like I ought to die
Feel like it, I'm rottin' away
My life is just off in the gray
How much does it cost I will pay
To lay and be off in a coffin today
I mean off in ashes, this life and after it clashes, if I get blasted,
This is suicide letters all over again I thought that I passed it
But I guess that I didn't cause this one is written and there is no mending
But I broke I'ma a joke when I croak I just hope that I wont be descending
But this ain't a joke I want you to know that tech nina is never pretending
Alone in my bed with a gun to my head asking where is my happy ending
Yea

[Chorus]
Tell me who it is
What about me
Where is my happy ending
What about me
Is this a life worth living
You know how it beacons
But how does it end for me
Will I ever live
Or does he have it in for me
Will this pop before I stop breathin'
Is there light in this dark I'm seein'

Yea
I put my life in this music
Nina is inside out
I set my heart out for people
They know what the inside bout
Will they keep feelin' nina forever this I doubt
Can never cry for help so if you listenin' this my (shout)
I'm searchin' for the passageway to happiness
But I'm worldly so I have to lay in nastiness
Yes this a strange year, worldwide fames near
But the games queer, sometime I feel like I'm Rudolph the reindeer
But instead of a red nose
I stay in my red clothes
And the music they said blows
Is on the top and the cred grows
Can you resurrect a motherfucker that feel like he possess a dead soul
Deteriorates when inferior state almost equal to bread mold
Now as my head goes, wish I could shed those
Because all of the times the nina was shorted, when I bled froze
So now that I'm cold blooded and hella sick is what the med shows
The tred slows and don't even think you revivin' a dead rose
Yea

[Chorus]

Listen
I'm on the verge of insanity but I'm competent
I'm breakin' so I picked this one to vent
The reason I look away when you talk to me my brain is producin' evilness
I'm drownin' in 151 and rum I meant, thats how I feel
I sit in the mirror with this gun and practice how to kill
But I know damn well that the people like me really wanna know how to chill
This is life is bout it check bout a number
Think of all the love I lost
Because my quest is not a meal
I feel like you stupid
Don't talk to me I'm crackin' up
I don't mean laughter I'm full of bitterness and its backin' up
And I live with angels but lately demons been shackin' up
Tug of war with my spirits, see the blood I'm hackin' up
I love my kids and my fans, inside I sob harder
Cause you paid the price for my life and its right like bob barker
And I wont pretend that its OK, I'm no facade starter
So I guess my only happy ending is at a massage parlor, yea

[Chorus]

Writer : KANDER, JOHN/EBB, FRED
Copyright : Lyrics © EMI Music Publishing