She swings the string of pearls on the corner
The street lights reflect the light in the water
The string it snaps and the pearls go sailing
And they splash and bounce and roll 'cross the wet street

As she bends to chase the pearls a car swings 'round the corner
She darts from the eyes of the panic-struck driver
Who's racing to the delivery room
'Cause in the back seat his wife is busting out of her womb

And the sack breaks and out come the Siamese Twins
Who grow up to become the first President
With two heads
Are better than one

He puts his heads in his hands, says I got to put my heads together
I can become the best President ever
And not just President
Fend for yourself

Signs his name, takes the blame for all of the names with no shame
In their beliefs
They adjourn and they leave, and in walks a man
With a broom and a knife and blood on his hands

And he sweeps everything under the rug
And goes home to his kids and gives them a hug
But his wife was not there, she had just left a letter
That said "you'd be much better off without me"

Now his wife took the train to her ex-lover's funeral
Who died in the bathroom, hit his head on a urinal
When they got together, the knowledge was carnal
And the widow was at the funeral, and they had quite a catfight

And they fell into the hole where the casket was resting
And the preacher just left in the middle of the service
'Cause death was one thing, but women made him nervous
And he ran to his car and he drove 'round the corner

Then something in the street caught the light in his eye
He pulled over, reached down, and picked up a pearl from the gutter
And he didn't know what to think
And he brought it home and washed it in the sink

And he gave the pearl to Sister Mary Teresa
Who could not accept it so she gave it to Lisa,
A young prostitute who was missing a pearl
On the necklace that broke late last night

Writer : PIRNER, DAVID
Copyright : Lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.