Do you ever think about
What a lovely place the world would be
Without all the people
That make life so unpleasant?

All the small, petty people
All the ugly, annoying people
It's hard not to think about it

I like to think about
What could be
Done to these people
Something cruel
Something mean
Something just
But the meaner the better
Goodness knows they deserve it

Have you ever dreamed of
Killing all the stupid people?
Not just the unintelligent people
But the sort that don't know anything about anything
But seem to have opinions about everything
They're only too ready to offer their advice about
How to run your life
And yet look at how they run their own lives
For the most part they've accomplished nothing
They've contributed nothing
Their lives are miserable
But they talk, talk, talk
At the very least their tongues should be cut out
At the very least

Do you ever wanna
Kill all the people who tell lies?
Some certainly deserve it
Not necessarily the big liars
Or even those who teach lies as truth
I'm talking about people
Who say one thing and do another
Or who tell you they sent something express mail
When you know they haven't

Did you ever want to
Kill all the slow people in the world?
The people who are in front of you
When they should be behind you
A crime that the swift should be help back by the slow
And it's criminal that nothing is going to rectify it

And what about all the really ugly people?
Add them to the list as well
Some people try not to think about life's ugliness
I've thought about it
I've thought about it quite a lot
Something should be done to these people
Something to make them suffer
The way they've made us suffer

I say, bring back the circus maximus
For starters
Unless these weeds are dealt with
They'll poison everything
They are poisoning everything
We need a gardener
A brutal gardener
A thorough, thoughtful gardener
An iron gardener

Whatever happened to Vlad the Impaler?
Where's Genghis Kahn when you need him?
Or Roi d'Ys?
Ayatollah Khomeini
Adolf Hitler
Benito Mussolini
Nero
Diocletian
Kitchener
Come back!

Writer : STANTON, BARRY BRUCE/BURNS, MURRAY WILLIAM
Copyright : Lyrics © EMI Music Publishing, Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.